I think this is a
question which we all ask ourselves at some point in our lives. Some people
seem to be more inflicted with insecurity than others, but none of us are
exempt from the feeling that for some reason, or in some situation or another,
we just haven’t measured up. Also, we are living in a society which constantly
pushes us to be better and look better in order to be accepted. We are
bombarded with the message, from a very early age, that what and who we are
just isn’t enough. We’re subtly led to believe that we need to work harder, do
better, and be better in order to increase our value. Sadly, this is quite
opposite to the simplicity of the message of the Gospel and God’s unconditional
love for His children.
Of course we ought to do
our best in all areas of life. But our best IS enough. We don’t have to
constantly strive to be and do more than we can. Some people struggle so much
with insecurity and the feeling that they don’t matter or have any value at all
they don’t even try at all to be the person they were created to be, or fulfil
the unique tasks they were created to accomplish. They don’t try to improve on
their weaknesses and let God change them. They don’t want to be noticed and
might even try to put up walls to keep people out, because they’re so used to
rejection and the pain of being rejected. Sometimes these people give up on
life, feeling like they don’t have anything to offer, and wishing that they
didn’t take up the space they do. This is sad, because God has a unique plan
for everyone, and in His eyes everyone is special and significant. Every single
human being is wanted and desired by God. There is not a single person on this
planet who is ‘just a waste of space’.
I think our quest for
approval begins at a very early age. Some of the most painful memories from
childhood are those of times when we were rejected, bullied or forgotten by
people. Since no-one is perfect, people are constantly adding to the burden of
our insecurity, unwittingly or not. Perhaps we remember times when we were made
to feel that our performance at school wasn’t enough, or times when we were left-out
or over-looked by our teachers or friends. Maybe the person we loved most in
all the world didn’t give us the love and attention we longed for.
Then, as we grow up,
the insecurities seem to surmount. Our hearts can be damaged when we feel
rejected by the people we want to impress. We compare ourselves to people
around us, and the media hounds us with the message that unless we act, dress
and look in a certain way, the world won’t approve of us. For girls, the subtle
message, ‘you’re too fat’ can play over and over again in our heads like a
stuck-record. Models don’t have curves and they’re beautiful, therefore, if I
want to be beautiful, I musn’t have curves, is one of the lies we’re fed
through many TV programs, films, magazines and billboards. We can get ourselves
into a cycle of: after I diet they’ll
notice me, or, after I change my hair
they’ll notice me, or if I start
acting this way they’re bound to notice me. Of course there can be nothing
wrong in dieting if we need to lose a few pounds for our health, and changing
our hair and our style can often be fun part of being a girl at least (I’m sure
guys enjoy it from time to time to!), but we need to realise and learn that no
matter how we look, no matter how well we perform in our classes or at work, as
long as we do our best, love God and love others, WE ARE ENOUGH.
We don’t need to
change for anybody except God. When we love God we will love others, and when
we love others, we will be willing to compromise for them, but we never have to
feel like we need to change who we are to find the love we crave. As it says in
Romans 1:6: “And this
includes you, called of Jesus Christ and
invited [as you are] to belong to Him.” God loves us just the way we
are, period. He didn’t wait until we were better people before He died for us.
He actually died for us when we were in our worst possible condition. Romans
5:8 says: “But God shows and clearly proves His [own] love for
us by the fact that while we were still sinners, Christ (the Messiah, the
Anointed One) died for us.”
Once we accept His grace He can begin to
change us, but He’ll never force us, and His love for us is certainly not
dependant on how we perform. I think when we turn our lives over to Him and
just learn to love and enjoy Him, accepting His unconditional love day by day,
we’ll become more and more like Him as we live in His presence. No matter how
much we are told otherwise in this life, we are
enough because God says we are!
