The Stage of Singleness
I was going to call this blog entry 'The Stage of Singleness', but I decided to make it the sub-heading because it sounds a bit too academic and analytical for me.
The ideas I'm going to put across are entirely my own, although they're most likely mixed-up with ideas I've heard and answers I've asked for along the course of my young-adult life. I'd be very interested to hear what other people have to say on this topic, too.
So here goes. I'm opening up myself and I suddenly feel very vulnerable, but hopefully it can help someone who is reading this.
There's no denying that being single can be hard. Especially when you get to that age when many of your friends are getting into serious relationships - some are even getting married and having kids - and you're like, OK, so when will my time come? There's always the temptation to think, 'What's the matter with me?' I say temptation because this kind of thinking can be very dangerous. To assume that the reason you're single is because of your own failings in whatever aspect will only make you more miserable about the whole thing. I think that's what can make being single suddenly become a very bad and sad business. In the end of the day finding 'Mr Right' (or 'Miss Right if you're a guy' ;) ) doesn't come down to what you're like (and what you look like) at all! I mean, just look at couples you see every day. They don't always seem like the nicest of people, or the most attractive either!, and yet they still have found each other and somehow manage to be in love. It's quite a mystery, but I think love is a mystery, and it all boils down to being in the right place at the right time, meeting that person, fate; and God if you're a Christian, and quite often if you aren't one, too.
As a Christian, I think the first thing that you need to believe is that you can't be fulfilled in a relationship without God. God is the source of love and He's the first need of our hearts. If we have a relationship but don't have God, we'll still always be looking for that Something that's missing, and that we just can't find in any form of human love. Also, thinking that finding a boyfriend will solve all our problems is silly, too. I suspect it'll actually add to our problems, but if it's right it'll be a joy and a blessing and enrich our lives in the way that God intended.
Lots of people, including myself from time to time, get really down about being single. Speaking from personal experience, it's very easy for a girl to start blaming herself, comparing herself, worrying that she isn't lovable. But as I've already mentioned, that kind of thinking is very dangerous. As a Christian we're already valuable, loved and beautiful in God's eyes, and we don't need to be loved by a guy before we can believe that about ourselves. We aren't what we see in the mirror, what our friends or see, or even what our boyfriends or husbands see (although that can be good), but what God sees, and thankfully His love is unchanging and He's always thinking loving thoughts towards us: "How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered!" Psalm 139:17.
I also know that it can be worrying as time goes by and more and more of your friends are getting into relationships, and you start to think like the song says: 'Where have all the good men gone?' Maybe people you've been interested in haven't shown interest back, or maybe your heart's even been broken, and you don't see much potential around you for a future boyfriend/husband. But if it's your desire to find the person God intends for you, and since it says in the Bible that we're to "take delight in the LORD, and he will give you your heart’s desires" (Psalm 37:4), at the right time you'll cross paths with the right person and the waiting-time will be over. I also like to think that since God even cares about how many hairs we have on our heads ("and the very hairs on your head are all numbered" Matthew 10:30), He definetely cares about who we're going to spend the rest of our lives with! Maybe we feel like time's passing by, and doors keep slamming on our faces (and that can hurt!), but God may be preparing us for our future partner and keeping us from other relationships which could hurt us.
I also think it's good to remember that it was God's plan from the beginning of creation that "a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one." (Genesis 2:24) God also knows that "it is not good for [the] man to be alone." ("... I will make a helper who is just right for him.” (Genesis 2:18))
This is why I think that for most people, singleness is only a stage. Whether it takes a few more days, weeks, months or years, the right person is bound to cross your path. Of course you can do things to help like talking to guys (that helps), not being afraid to make close friendships, praying about it and sharing your hopes and conerns with friends and people who are older and wiser, (washing regularly and looking presentable is bound to help), but I think the brunt of the responsibility ought to be given to God because it can be too heavy a burden for us to carry otherwise.
Being single also has its benefits. Some times I look around me in a shop or cafe and think, man, it's quite nice not have to chase after small kids and just to be able to sit and enjoy my coffee! Of course when the time comes I'm sure I'll count it all joy, but at the moment I greatly appreciate my freedom. People in relationships tend to have less time than they did before to spend with their friends (this is not meant as a crticism, only an observance) and suddenly their time is a lot more occupied by that other person. I enjoy having my moments of solitude, (although I plan to keep these even in a relationship ;)), and time to devote to my friends, to church-life, to writing songs and chasing after my dreams! This is the current stage of my life. Who knows when I'll move into the next one. I'm sure when I'm not single any more I'll be as much in love with life as I am now, but I'll get to share that love with someone else. I'll adapt to new responsibilities and grow to meet new challenges. I don't think it'll be a 'better' life; only different.
In the end of the day, I just want what God wants for my life because I know He loves me. I don't always want to be single, but for the moment, it really doesn't suck that bad at all.
