All the Funny Things Kids Say

I need to start blogging about these. Enjoy!

"J'ai quelques prières en anglais parce que Jésus est anglaise."

"Il faut pas manger trop de gâteau parce que si tu manges trop de gâteau tu auras un bébé dans ta ventre."

-"Je ne comprends pas un seul mot qu'elle dit."   
-"C'est normale! Il faut apprendre l'allemand!"

I'll add to this list when I remember things or after I hear them :).

Adjusting your Point of View

I haven't updated my blog for a while due to the busyness of life, but a series of recent events has got me thinking about the power of our attitude and how  we choose to view the things that happen to us.

Shame and embarassment are very interesting emotions. Sometimes I feel as though I've reached rock-bottom in terms of my level of self-embarassment. For those of you who know me, I can do very clumsy and embarassing things which fortunately tend to entertain rather than repel my friends away. For example, my housemates have the joyous opportunity of witnessing the breakage of many household objects and appliances. Perhaps 'many' is too strong a quantifier, but I certainly have broken a few. First of all there's the microwave I witnessed expulsing yellow fumes after attempting to heat up my brownie inside. Then there's the chopping board I melted a big hole in the middle of. Not to mention the plates I've cracked or the mug handles I've broken off. It's amazing the unconditional love my housemates have for me. I hope Santa will be very good to them this year.

Since I always seem to be breaking things, or tripping over things, or tripping over tree roots on my way to fancy Valentine's Day dinners and beautifully grazing my knee through my beautiful Valentine's Day tights, or using inappropriate words without realising their connotations (in both languages), I felt as though I must have been purged of all my shame and embarassment. That is, until yesterday happened.

Yesterday is like a blur. All I remember is the flash of colleague breaking into the toilet cubicle as I was perched inside, minding my own business. I was at work and had innocently gone to the teacher's toilet during interval. Extreme tiredness had obviously heightened by acute sense of headlessness as I had forgotten to turn the key which locks the door. In my opinion, there is not much which is more embarassing than having a senior colleague see you in that subservient state of being. I realised that I certainly wasn't immune to feelings of shame and embarassment. Those emotions boiled away inside, pulpifying my inner organs into mush, along with my spirit and soul. I wanted to run away. I wondered how I was going to redeem myself in her estimation. Even worse; I would have to face her again straight away as I was about to go to her class to teach their 'atelier d'anglais.' I phoned one of my closest friends and ended up speaking to her boyfriend about my terrible ordeal. Having off-loaded it onto someone outwith the situation, I battled inside over what I was going to say to her when I saw her. "It wasn't me," or, "The dog ate it," didn't seem like appropriate excuses in this situation. Instead, I decided to turn it into a massive source of amusement for all concerned. I would laugh it off. So when the teacher entered, I smiled,  laughed, apologised, and she smiled and laughed and assured me that I would never forget to lock the toilet again. I think she can hardly know me at all. I'm sure it will happen again, at least once in my life. And I will have to experience this same level of shame and embarassment.

However, I feel as though there has been a vital lesson to learn from this experience. It has been both humbling and edifying. First of all, I will take extra caution at St Aignan to turn the key in the door before I presume the door is locked. Also, I have learnt that no matter how low you fall, you can still fall lower. You can always be more embarassing. Embarassment is good for the soul because it humbles you. The things which I do which embarass myself are good for other people because they entertain and amuse. Also, I once heard that when you are able to laugh at yourself, you can consider yourself a fully-grown adult. Uh-oh, guess that means I'm an adult. When did THAT happen??

All the Faf of the Season

This post is certainly not intended to sound 'bah-humbug-ish' as I would be the last person to rule out Christmas from our calendars. In fact, I would go as far as to say that Christmas is my favourite time of the year. I love the pretty lights, the dark evenings, the crisp, beautiful mornings, the anticipation of a wonderful time spent with family and friends, the Christmas plays, the Christmas songs, and more than anything, that peaceful, joyful hope in something greater than all that; the true meaning of Christmas; Jesus.

It's been said over and over again, but when it comes down to it, what is Christmas really all about? Is it about getting all the things we want? Is it even about giving all the things others want to receive? Sure it's about loving. It's about doing sweet things for others, paying extra attention to the needs around us, spending time with people that we might not get to see at other times of the year, but why? Why can we feel that bit more loved at Christmas, that bit more willing to love everyone, a contentment deep inside us, and  that special something in the atmosphere that let's us know Christmas is approaching?

It's simple, but the story behind Christmas is very simple too. God loves us and sent His Son into the world to save us. End of story. To me, it seems so simple and so wonderful. So why all this faf around Christmas now? This hyperactive running around trying to buy Christmas presents for everyone, his wife and his wife's uncle's dog, the buying and sending of Christmas cards, the preparing for the Christmas dinner which somehow seems to begin at the end of November (even though the meal will essentially only last for a few hours), the search for the perfect Christmas party-dress, the dieting to make sure you look good in that perfect Christmas party-dress, and of course all the parties and dinners and social events leading up to it...

In small doses, these things are good and fun. But when you lump them all together and take out the essential element- the true meaning- then it's all just a load of needless stress, pain and often disappointment.

I've been thinking a bit about the exchanging of presents at Christmas. Why do we do it? Why put so much pressure on our friends family and ourselves to carry out this tradition which drains our finances and further clutters up our houses? I don't know much about the history behind the traditions we practice at Christmas, but I'm sure the exchanging of gifts has something to do with symbolising the Greatest Gift- God's gift of His Son- and maybe to also represent the special gifts which were given to Jesus by the Maggai in the Christmas story. However now it seems to be for many the only point of Chistmas; asking for and getting the things we want and didn't get during the year. Christmas has suddenly become about us and what we want, not about God and His love.

I like getting gifts, don't get me wrong. And I can enjoy giving them, too. But going into town at this time of year just about drives me nuts. It would be a more pleasant experience if everyone wore a smile on their faces instead of rushing around with their armfuls of bags, resolution on their faces and that glint in their eye which says, "If you get in the way between me and that handbag my sister wants, I'll hit you over the head with it." Sure it's nice to hear the Christmas music playing in the shops and to smell the mulled wine in the air, but to feel like part of a buffallo herd running away from a bush-fire in a shopping centre is not a pleasant experience (that's how I often feel in a mall around about Christmas time). Neither do I like the struggle with myself as I wonder, "Is what I've got them enough?" Do they need a present or if I 'conveniently forget' them in terms of gift-endowing, will they be less of my friend next year?

It seems so silly, but there seems to be so much value put into the value of the gifts we exchange now. Why on earth would we fork out and buy our sibling who already has an ipad4 and ipad5 for their Christmas, when there's a kid on the street who won't even get a bar of chocolate? We don't need an ipad5 for goodness' sakes! Maybe we want it, but we can live without it. And people can't live without kindness or purpose; two things which seem to often go out of the window at this time of year.

I haven't decided whether to do this yet, but I have wondered, if we were to just get the people we loved a very small gift; something to demonstrate that we have thought of them, even if it's just a promise to call or a nice note in a card; and put more money and thought into the poorer of our society, what could Christmas become? A real season of sharing and of love, I'd imagine.. We might start to get back to the basics and remember what it's all about.

Or maybe we should just stop completely with the gift-hunting and exchanging. Maybe we should just relax, enjoy advent, think about what it means to us and stop letting the pressure that society puts on us destroy the season for ourselves and those around us! It's meant to be a time of joy. Maybe we need to do whatever it takes to bring the joy back into Christmas, even if it means turning the way we've always done it on its head.

*All views expressed in this blog entry are entirely my own and not necessarily to be taken seriously.

Is Single and it Doesn't Suck

The Stage of Singleness

I was going to call this blog entry 'The Stage of Singleness', but I decided to make it the sub-heading because it sounds a bit too academic and analytical for me.

 The ideas I'm going to put across are entirely my own, although they're most likely mixed-up with ideas I've heard and answers I've asked for along the course of my young-adult life. I'd be very interested to hear what other people have to say on this topic, too.

So here goes. I'm opening up myself and I suddenly feel very vulnerable, but hopefully it can help someone who is reading this.

There's no denying that being single can be hard. Especially when you get to that age when many of your friends are getting into serious relationships - some are even getting married and having kids - and you're like, OK, so when will my time come? There's always the temptation to think, 'What's the matter with me?' I say temptation because this kind of thinking can be very dangerous. To assume that the reason you're single is because of your own failings in whatever aspect will only make you more miserable about the whole thing. I think that's what can make being single suddenly become a very bad and sad business. In the end of the day finding 'Mr Right' (or 'Miss Right if you're a guy' ;) ) doesn't come down to what you're like (and what you look like) at all! I mean, just look at couples you see every day. They don't always seem like the nicest of people, or the most attractive either!, and yet they still have found each other and somehow manage to be in love. It's quite a mystery, but I think love is a mystery, and it all boils down to being in the right place at the right time, meeting that person, fate; and God if you're a Christian, and quite often if you aren't one, too.

As a Christian, I think the first thing that you need to believe is that you can't be fulfilled in a relationship without God. God is the source of love and He's the first need of our hearts. If we have a relationship but don't have God, we'll still always be looking for that Something that's missing, and that we just can't find in any form of human love. Also, thinking that finding a boyfriend will solve all our problems is silly, too. I suspect it'll actually add to our problems, but if it's right it'll be a joy and a blessing and enrich our lives in the way that God intended.

Lots of people, including myself from time to time, get really down about being single. Speaking from personal experience, it's very easy for a girl to start blaming herself, comparing herself, worrying that she isn't lovable. But as I've already mentioned, that kind of thinking is very dangerous. As a Christian we're already valuable, loved and beautiful in God's eyes, and we don't need to be loved by a guy before we can believe that about ourselves. We aren't what we see in the mirror, what our friends or see, or even what our boyfriends or husbands see (although that can be good), but what God sees, and thankfully His love is unchanging and He's always thinking loving thoughts towards us: "How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered!" Psalm 139:17.

I also know that it can be worrying as time goes by and more and more of your friends are getting into relationships, and you start to think like the song says: 'Where have all the good men gone?' Maybe people you've been interested in haven't shown interest back, or maybe your heart's even been broken, and you don't see much potential around you for a future boyfriend/husband. But if it's your desire to find the person God intends for you, and since it says in the Bible that we're to "take delight in the LORD, and he will give you your heart’s desires"  (Psalm 37:4), at the right time you'll cross paths with the right person and the waiting-time will be over. I also like to think that since God even cares about how many hairs we have on our heads ("and the very hairs on your head are all numbered" Matthew 10:30), He definetely cares about who we're going to spend the rest of our lives with! Maybe we feel like time's passing by, and doors keep slamming on our faces (and that can hurt!), but God may be preparing us for our future partner and keeping us from other relationships which could hurt us.

I also think it's good to remember that it was God's plan from the beginning of creation that "a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one." (Genesis 2:24) God also knows that "it is not good for [the] man to be alone." ("... I will make a helper who is just right for him.” (Genesis 2:18))

This is why I think that for most people, singleness is only a stage. Whether it takes a few more days, weeks, months or years, the right person is bound to cross your path. Of course you can do things to help like talking to guys (that helps), not being afraid to make close friendships, praying about it and sharing your hopes and conerns with friends and people who are older and wiser, (washing regularly and looking presentable is bound to help), but I think the brunt of the responsibility ought to be given to God because it can be too heavy a burden for us to carry otherwise.

Being single also has its benefits. Some times I look around me in a shop or cafe and think, man, it's quite nice not have to chase after small kids and just to be able to sit and enjoy my coffee! Of course when the time comes I'm sure I'll count it all joy, but at the moment I greatly appreciate my freedom. People in relationships tend to have less time than they did before to spend with their friends (this is not meant as a crticism, only an observance) and suddenly their time is a lot more occupied by that other person. I enjoy having my moments of solitude, (although I plan to keep these even in a relationship ;)), and time to devote to my friends, to church-life, to writing songs and chasing after my dreams! This is the current stage of  my life. Who knows when I'll move into the next one. I'm sure when I'm not single any more I'll be as much in love with life as I am now, but I'll get to share that love with someone else. I'll adapt to new responsibilities and grow to meet new challenges. I don't think it'll be a 'better' life; only different.

In the end of the day, I just want what God wants for my life because I know He loves me. I don't always want to be single, but for the moment, it really doesn't suck that bad at all.

The Calm After the Storm

Calm. Tranquility. Quiet. These are things we all need on a daily basis. Recently I’ve been getting more of them than I’ve had in a long time, due to being on holiday for a few weeks and living at home with my mum and sister. Naturally, the load is lightened from my shoulders as I no longer have to look after all things pertaining to my existence. The kitchen is well-stocked to feed me when I’m hungry. The hot water is always available and the spare toilet means that I never have to wait to use the facilities. The internet connection is faultless, the house is clean and although outside it is bitterly Scotland, inside the house is always warm. On a more serious note I’m so, so grateful for these blessings and pray that I would never take them for granted. 

This period of rest, where I have little to do but meet social engagements, help my mum around the house, get back into a sort of fitness plan and allow myself to recover from a hectic year, has given me time to look at different things in my life in a new, clearer light. Let’s take, for example, my general outlook on difficult circumstances. I believe that over this year I’ve actually managed to let something of an ever-so-slightly pessimistic attitude creep in. It goes against the core of my being and my personality to be so taken up with the dirt under my feet that I forget to look up at the stars. But it can happen. When you’re busy and don’t have time to ‘sort out your head’ (which is something I feel one ought to do regularly; take a brief analysis of the thoughts going around and see if any need rooting out), thoughts can grow up like weeds until they’re a great, big, tangled mess. Sometimes you don’t notice them until this great, big, tangled mess is beginning to kill your joy and sap the life out of you. 

I think these ‘weeds’ in my own life have often been a vague sense of ‘this will never get any better’, ‘my life will be one big stream of one bad thing after another’ and an even subtler ‘God doesn’t really care that I’m suffering and I shouldn’t be expecting anything good in case I get disappointed.’ I think these thoughts have to be fought tooth-in-nail as they are highly damaging. Yes bad things happen, and they will always happen, but thankfully they will be woven in to the tapestry of our life with joys and great, wonderful things which exceed our greatest hopes and imaginings.

We shouldn’t constantly expect bad things to happen.  That just saps the joy out of everything. We need to remember all the encouraging verses in the Bible which tell us things like, “For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome. .” Jeremiah 29:11, and, “But, on the contrary, as the Scripture says, What eye has not seen and ear has not heard and has not entered into the heart of man, [all that] God has prepared (made and keeps ready) for those who love Him [^[a]who hold Him in affectionate reverence, promptly obeying Him and gratefully recognizing the benefits He has bestowed]. .” (1 Corinthians 2:9) and, “Saying, Blessing I certainly will bless you and multiplying I will multiply you." (Hebrews 6:14) We need to remember that He is the giver of all good things, the bestower of life, the One who loves us most in all the world and who wants the very best for us. Reminding ourselves of these truths will give us hope to hold onto during more difficult times in our lives. Everything happens in seasons, and bad seasons pass away like clouds after a storm. Inevitably the storms of life will damage our sails, but then God will lead us into quieter waters where He can repair us and make us fit and whole again to continue along the journey with strength, joy and hope.

Painful Questions

I've just finished a book called "The Postmistress". It deals with the stories of three different women during the Second World war, but more than that -or at least in my opinion- it reminds the reader if the daily toil and suffering which still goes on in the midst of greater, more widespread or traumatic suffering. It struck me that during the War, while many Jews were being forced out of their homes and killed in inhumane concentration camps, while young boys (whose voices could have jut barely broken)were fighting in the front lines of a brutal and bloody war, and while innocent citizens lost their homes, their families and their lives; the normal, hum-drum kind of suffering was still going on. Women were still dying in childbirth. Cancer continued to tear lives apart. Families still struggled to make ends meet and husbands still gambled away their income and beat their wives after supper. Suffering can seem immeasurable, and sadly, catastrophes can car-tail one another and pile up on each other to make heavy mounds which crush the poor people caught beneath them.

Some people seem to be more inflicted with suffering than others. We all know that person who has lost two husbands to the one illness, who is struggling to make ends meet and battles with some illness, while their children's behaviour causes inner trauma and anxiety. That family who gets blow after blow after blow. That women who has miscarriage after miscarriage and the student who fails the same exam one time too many. The single mother who cares for her dying child. The orphan whose mother gets a life-time sentence in jail. The list could go on and on. We see so many people every day who are bruised and beaten by the cruelties, injustices and pain which has been their portion in life. We see so much despair, hopelessness and bitterness. And we wonder why. Why does it go on and on like this? Why does the one person seem to get it all?
We as Christians hear many theories. God is punishing sin. It's the devil having a field-trip. God is testing us. God hates to see His children suffer. It's a result of the Fall. We need to pray more. We need to have more faith. We need to send more money. We need to cast out demons. We need to look away from the suffering. Theory after theory until our heart hurts. I'm not stating here what I agree and don't agree with, but what I do know is that often the answers given still leave us feeling a little kept in the dark. We still don't know what to do with those deep, painful, hidden questions. Those feelings of betrayal and fear. Yes, even feeling betrayed by God.

The good thing is that none of us are alone in our quest for the answers to human-suffering. We're all looking for the same clues, asking the same questions, feeling the same fears. So many people have sought for answers and obtained deep insight, and we can be benefited by sharing our fears and questions with people who are wiser than us and who love us.

One of the best books I have ever read on suffering is "The Shack". It tells the story of one of the worst kinds of suffering imaginable -the abuse and murder of a young child- and of how her father asks the same sort of questions about suffering and has a revelation of God which ultimately brings him to peace. The book isn't restrictive in its treatment of suffering. The worst kind of human behavior is uncovered, and the deepest despair and pain analysed in such a way as to make it relevant to the situations we each have to deal with at various points in our lives.

It's tempting to ignore suffering. To put on a brave face and move on with life, with your heart ever so slightly more calloused, and your joy ever so slightly dampened. But I think there's more to it than that. As a Christian, I don't believe God wants to take away our suffering all of the time, but to draw us close to the Healer and the Comforter through it. We'd like to avoid it and have an easy life. I'm not pessimistic. I tend to see things through rose-coloured spectacles, as the expression goes. Unfortunately periods where life is easy are in reality few and far between, but when they do come up, they are wonderful and probably a foretaste of Heaven. Yet while there is suffering, let's support each other, not be frightened to listen to others and ask questions, and allow ourselves to find healing, hope and comfort in the One who truly loves us and wants our best. Let's have hope and faith, but let's be real with God. We need to admit we're broken before we can be put back together. But let's believe that our loving Father does want us to be whole again. And let's pray that He uses us to go on and help a broken world be put back together.

Am I Enough?

I think this is a question which we all ask ourselves at some point in our lives. Some people seem to be more inflicted with insecurity than others, but none of us are exempt from the feeling that for some reason, or in some situation or another, we just haven’t measured up. Also, we are living in a society which constantly pushes us to be better and look better in order to be accepted. We are bombarded with the message, from a very early age, that what and who we are just isn’t enough. We’re subtly led to believe that we need to work harder, do better, and be better in order to increase our value. Sadly, this is quite opposite to the simplicity of the message of the Gospel and God’s unconditional love for His children. 

Of course we ought to do our best in all areas of life. But our best IS enough. We don’t have to constantly strive to be and do more than we can. Some people struggle so much with insecurity and the feeling that they don’t matter or have any value at all they don’t even try at all to be the person they were created to be, or fulfil the unique tasks they were created to accomplish. They don’t try to improve on their weaknesses and let God change them. They don’t want to be noticed and might even try to put up walls to keep people out, because they’re so used to rejection and the pain of being rejected. Sometimes these people give up on life, feeling like they don’t have anything to offer, and wishing that they didn’t take up the space they do. This is sad, because God has a unique plan for everyone, and in His eyes everyone is special and significant. Every single human being is wanted and desired by God. There is not a single person on this planet who is ‘just a waste of space’.

I think our quest for approval begins at a very early age. Some of the most painful memories from childhood are those of times when we were rejected, bullied or forgotten by people. Since no-one is perfect, people are constantly adding to the burden of our insecurity, unwittingly or not. Perhaps we remember times when we were made to feel that our performance at school wasn’t enough, or times when we were left-out or over-looked by our teachers or friends. Maybe the person we loved most in all the world didn’t give us the love and attention we longed for. 

Then, as we grow up, the insecurities seem to surmount. Our hearts can be damaged when we feel rejected by the people we want to impress. We compare ourselves to people around us, and the media hounds us with the message that unless we act, dress and look in a certain way, the world won’t approve of us. For girls, the subtle message, ‘you’re too fat’ can play over and over again in our heads like a stuck-record. Models don’t have curves and they’re beautiful, therefore, if I want to be beautiful, I musn’t have curves, is one of the lies we’re fed through many TV programs, films, magazines and billboards. We can get ourselves into a cycle of: after I diet they’ll notice me, or, after I change my hair they’ll notice me, or if I start acting this way they’re bound to notice me. Of course there can be nothing wrong in dieting if we need to lose a few pounds for our health, and changing our hair and our style can often be fun part of being a girl at least (I’m sure guys enjoy it from time to time to!), but we need to realise and learn that no matter how we look, no matter how well we perform in our classes or at work, as long as we do our best, love God and love others, WE ARE ENOUGH.

We don’t need to change for anybody except God. When we love God we will love others, and when we love others, we will be willing to compromise for them, but we never have to feel like we need to change who we are to find the love we crave. As it says in Romans 1:6: “And this includes you, called of Jesus Christ and invited [as you are] to belong to Him.” God loves us just the way we are, period. He didn’t wait until we were better people before He died for us. He actually died for us when we were in our worst possible condition. Romans 5:8 says: “But God shows and clearly proves His [own] love for us by the fact that while we were still sinners, Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One) died for us.”

Once we accept His grace He can begin to change us, but He’ll never force us, and His love for us is certainly not dependant on how we perform. I think when we turn our lives over to Him and just learn to love and enjoy Him, accepting His unconditional love day by day, we’ll become more and more like Him as we live in His presence. No matter how much we are told otherwise in this life, we are enough because God says we are!