All the Faf of the Season

This post is certainly not intended to sound 'bah-humbug-ish' as I would be the last person to rule out Christmas from our calendars. In fact, I would go as far as to say that Christmas is my favourite time of the year. I love the pretty lights, the dark evenings, the crisp, beautiful mornings, the anticipation of a wonderful time spent with family and friends, the Christmas plays, the Christmas songs, and more than anything, that peaceful, joyful hope in something greater than all that; the true meaning of Christmas; Jesus.

It's been said over and over again, but when it comes down to it, what is Christmas really all about? Is it about getting all the things we want? Is it even about giving all the things others want to receive? Sure it's about loving. It's about doing sweet things for others, paying extra attention to the needs around us, spending time with people that we might not get to see at other times of the year, but why? Why can we feel that bit more loved at Christmas, that bit more willing to love everyone, a contentment deep inside us, and  that special something in the atmosphere that let's us know Christmas is approaching?

It's simple, but the story behind Christmas is very simple too. God loves us and sent His Son into the world to save us. End of story. To me, it seems so simple and so wonderful. So why all this faf around Christmas now? This hyperactive running around trying to buy Christmas presents for everyone, his wife and his wife's uncle's dog, the buying and sending of Christmas cards, the preparing for the Christmas dinner which somehow seems to begin at the end of November (even though the meal will essentially only last for a few hours), the search for the perfect Christmas party-dress, the dieting to make sure you look good in that perfect Christmas party-dress, and of course all the parties and dinners and social events leading up to it...

In small doses, these things are good and fun. But when you lump them all together and take out the essential element- the true meaning- then it's all just a load of needless stress, pain and often disappointment.

I've been thinking a bit about the exchanging of presents at Christmas. Why do we do it? Why put so much pressure on our friends family and ourselves to carry out this tradition which drains our finances and further clutters up our houses? I don't know much about the history behind the traditions we practice at Christmas, but I'm sure the exchanging of gifts has something to do with symbolising the Greatest Gift- God's gift of His Son- and maybe to also represent the special gifts which were given to Jesus by the Maggai in the Christmas story. However now it seems to be for many the only point of Chistmas; asking for and getting the things we want and didn't get during the year. Christmas has suddenly become about us and what we want, not about God and His love.

I like getting gifts, don't get me wrong. And I can enjoy giving them, too. But going into town at this time of year just about drives me nuts. It would be a more pleasant experience if everyone wore a smile on their faces instead of rushing around with their armfuls of bags, resolution on their faces and that glint in their eye which says, "If you get in the way between me and that handbag my sister wants, I'll hit you over the head with it." Sure it's nice to hear the Christmas music playing in the shops and to smell the mulled wine in the air, but to feel like part of a buffallo herd running away from a bush-fire in a shopping centre is not a pleasant experience (that's how I often feel in a mall around about Christmas time). Neither do I like the struggle with myself as I wonder, "Is what I've got them enough?" Do they need a present or if I 'conveniently forget' them in terms of gift-endowing, will they be less of my friend next year?

It seems so silly, but there seems to be so much value put into the value of the gifts we exchange now. Why on earth would we fork out and buy our sibling who already has an ipad4 and ipad5 for their Christmas, when there's a kid on the street who won't even get a bar of chocolate? We don't need an ipad5 for goodness' sakes! Maybe we want it, but we can live without it. And people can't live without kindness or purpose; two things which seem to often go out of the window at this time of year.

I haven't decided whether to do this yet, but I have wondered, if we were to just get the people we loved a very small gift; something to demonstrate that we have thought of them, even if it's just a promise to call or a nice note in a card; and put more money and thought into the poorer of our society, what could Christmas become? A real season of sharing and of love, I'd imagine.. We might start to get back to the basics and remember what it's all about.

Or maybe we should just stop completely with the gift-hunting and exchanging. Maybe we should just relax, enjoy advent, think about what it means to us and stop letting the pressure that society puts on us destroy the season for ourselves and those around us! It's meant to be a time of joy. Maybe we need to do whatever it takes to bring the joy back into Christmas, even if it means turning the way we've always done it on its head.

*All views expressed in this blog entry are entirely my own and not necessarily to be taken seriously.

Is Single and it Doesn't Suck

The Stage of Singleness

I was going to call this blog entry 'The Stage of Singleness', but I decided to make it the sub-heading because it sounds a bit too academic and analytical for me.

 The ideas I'm going to put across are entirely my own, although they're most likely mixed-up with ideas I've heard and answers I've asked for along the course of my young-adult life. I'd be very interested to hear what other people have to say on this topic, too.

So here goes. I'm opening up myself and I suddenly feel very vulnerable, but hopefully it can help someone who is reading this.

There's no denying that being single can be hard. Especially when you get to that age when many of your friends are getting into serious relationships - some are even getting married and having kids - and you're like, OK, so when will my time come? There's always the temptation to think, 'What's the matter with me?' I say temptation because this kind of thinking can be very dangerous. To assume that the reason you're single is because of your own failings in whatever aspect will only make you more miserable about the whole thing. I think that's what can make being single suddenly become a very bad and sad business. In the end of the day finding 'Mr Right' (or 'Miss Right if you're a guy' ;) ) doesn't come down to what you're like (and what you look like) at all! I mean, just look at couples you see every day. They don't always seem like the nicest of people, or the most attractive either!, and yet they still have found each other and somehow manage to be in love. It's quite a mystery, but I think love is a mystery, and it all boils down to being in the right place at the right time, meeting that person, fate; and God if you're a Christian, and quite often if you aren't one, too.

As a Christian, I think the first thing that you need to believe is that you can't be fulfilled in a relationship without God. God is the source of love and He's the first need of our hearts. If we have a relationship but don't have God, we'll still always be looking for that Something that's missing, and that we just can't find in any form of human love. Also, thinking that finding a boyfriend will solve all our problems is silly, too. I suspect it'll actually add to our problems, but if it's right it'll be a joy and a blessing and enrich our lives in the way that God intended.

Lots of people, including myself from time to time, get really down about being single. Speaking from personal experience, it's very easy for a girl to start blaming herself, comparing herself, worrying that she isn't lovable. But as I've already mentioned, that kind of thinking is very dangerous. As a Christian we're already valuable, loved and beautiful in God's eyes, and we don't need to be loved by a guy before we can believe that about ourselves. We aren't what we see in the mirror, what our friends or see, or even what our boyfriends or husbands see (although that can be good), but what God sees, and thankfully His love is unchanging and He's always thinking loving thoughts towards us: "How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered!" Psalm 139:17.

I also know that it can be worrying as time goes by and more and more of your friends are getting into relationships, and you start to think like the song says: 'Where have all the good men gone?' Maybe people you've been interested in haven't shown interest back, or maybe your heart's even been broken, and you don't see much potential around you for a future boyfriend/husband. But if it's your desire to find the person God intends for you, and since it says in the Bible that we're to "take delight in the LORD, and he will give you your heart’s desires"  (Psalm 37:4), at the right time you'll cross paths with the right person and the waiting-time will be over. I also like to think that since God even cares about how many hairs we have on our heads ("and the very hairs on your head are all numbered" Matthew 10:30), He definetely cares about who we're going to spend the rest of our lives with! Maybe we feel like time's passing by, and doors keep slamming on our faces (and that can hurt!), but God may be preparing us for our future partner and keeping us from other relationships which could hurt us.

I also think it's good to remember that it was God's plan from the beginning of creation that "a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one." (Genesis 2:24) God also knows that "it is not good for [the] man to be alone." ("... I will make a helper who is just right for him.” (Genesis 2:18))

This is why I think that for most people, singleness is only a stage. Whether it takes a few more days, weeks, months or years, the right person is bound to cross your path. Of course you can do things to help like talking to guys (that helps), not being afraid to make close friendships, praying about it and sharing your hopes and conerns with friends and people who are older and wiser, (washing regularly and looking presentable is bound to help), but I think the brunt of the responsibility ought to be given to God because it can be too heavy a burden for us to carry otherwise.

Being single also has its benefits. Some times I look around me in a shop or cafe and think, man, it's quite nice not have to chase after small kids and just to be able to sit and enjoy my coffee! Of course when the time comes I'm sure I'll count it all joy, but at the moment I greatly appreciate my freedom. People in relationships tend to have less time than they did before to spend with their friends (this is not meant as a crticism, only an observance) and suddenly their time is a lot more occupied by that other person. I enjoy having my moments of solitude, (although I plan to keep these even in a relationship ;)), and time to devote to my friends, to church-life, to writing songs and chasing after my dreams! This is the current stage of  my life. Who knows when I'll move into the next one. I'm sure when I'm not single any more I'll be as much in love with life as I am now, but I'll get to share that love with someone else. I'll adapt to new responsibilities and grow to meet new challenges. I don't think it'll be a 'better' life; only different.

In the end of the day, I just want what God wants for my life because I know He loves me. I don't always want to be single, but for the moment, it really doesn't suck that bad at all.

The Calm After the Storm

Calm. Tranquility. Quiet. These are things we all need on a daily basis. Recently I’ve been getting more of them than I’ve had in a long time, due to being on holiday for a few weeks and living at home with my mum and sister. Naturally, the load is lightened from my shoulders as I no longer have to look after all things pertaining to my existence. The kitchen is well-stocked to feed me when I’m hungry. The hot water is always available and the spare toilet means that I never have to wait to use the facilities. The internet connection is faultless, the house is clean and although outside it is bitterly Scotland, inside the house is always warm. On a more serious note I’m so, so grateful for these blessings and pray that I would never take them for granted. 

This period of rest, where I have little to do but meet social engagements, help my mum around the house, get back into a sort of fitness plan and allow myself to recover from a hectic year, has given me time to look at different things in my life in a new, clearer light. Let’s take, for example, my general outlook on difficult circumstances. I believe that over this year I’ve actually managed to let something of an ever-so-slightly pessimistic attitude creep in. It goes against the core of my being and my personality to be so taken up with the dirt under my feet that I forget to look up at the stars. But it can happen. When you’re busy and don’t have time to ‘sort out your head’ (which is something I feel one ought to do regularly; take a brief analysis of the thoughts going around and see if any need rooting out), thoughts can grow up like weeds until they’re a great, big, tangled mess. Sometimes you don’t notice them until this great, big, tangled mess is beginning to kill your joy and sap the life out of you. 

I think these ‘weeds’ in my own life have often been a vague sense of ‘this will never get any better’, ‘my life will be one big stream of one bad thing after another’ and an even subtler ‘God doesn’t really care that I’m suffering and I shouldn’t be expecting anything good in case I get disappointed.’ I think these thoughts have to be fought tooth-in-nail as they are highly damaging. Yes bad things happen, and they will always happen, but thankfully they will be woven in to the tapestry of our life with joys and great, wonderful things which exceed our greatest hopes and imaginings.

We shouldn’t constantly expect bad things to happen.  That just saps the joy out of everything. We need to remember all the encouraging verses in the Bible which tell us things like, “For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome. .” Jeremiah 29:11, and, “But, on the contrary, as the Scripture says, What eye has not seen and ear has not heard and has not entered into the heart of man, [all that] God has prepared (made and keeps ready) for those who love Him [^[a]who hold Him in affectionate reverence, promptly obeying Him and gratefully recognizing the benefits He has bestowed]. .” (1 Corinthians 2:9) and, “Saying, Blessing I certainly will bless you and multiplying I will multiply you." (Hebrews 6:14) We need to remember that He is the giver of all good things, the bestower of life, the One who loves us most in all the world and who wants the very best for us. Reminding ourselves of these truths will give us hope to hold onto during more difficult times in our lives. Everything happens in seasons, and bad seasons pass away like clouds after a storm. Inevitably the storms of life will damage our sails, but then God will lead us into quieter waters where He can repair us and make us fit and whole again to continue along the journey with strength, joy and hope.

Painful Questions

I've just finished a book called "The Postmistress". It deals with the stories of three different women during the Second World war, but more than that -or at least in my opinion- it reminds the reader if the daily toil and suffering which still goes on in the midst of greater, more widespread or traumatic suffering. It struck me that during the War, while many Jews were being forced out of their homes and killed in inhumane concentration camps, while young boys (whose voices could have jut barely broken)were fighting in the front lines of a brutal and bloody war, and while innocent citizens lost their homes, their families and their lives; the normal, hum-drum kind of suffering was still going on. Women were still dying in childbirth. Cancer continued to tear lives apart. Families still struggled to make ends meet and husbands still gambled away their income and beat their wives after supper. Suffering can seem immeasurable, and sadly, catastrophes can car-tail one another and pile up on each other to make heavy mounds which crush the poor people caught beneath them.

Some people seem to be more inflicted with suffering than others. We all know that person who has lost two husbands to the one illness, who is struggling to make ends meet and battles with some illness, while their children's behaviour causes inner trauma and anxiety. That family who gets blow after blow after blow. That women who has miscarriage after miscarriage and the student who fails the same exam one time too many. The single mother who cares for her dying child. The orphan whose mother gets a life-time sentence in jail. The list could go on and on. We see so many people every day who are bruised and beaten by the cruelties, injustices and pain which has been their portion in life. We see so much despair, hopelessness and bitterness. And we wonder why. Why does it go on and on like this? Why does the one person seem to get it all?
We as Christians hear many theories. God is punishing sin. It's the devil having a field-trip. God is testing us. God hates to see His children suffer. It's a result of the Fall. We need to pray more. We need to have more faith. We need to send more money. We need to cast out demons. We need to look away from the suffering. Theory after theory until our heart hurts. I'm not stating here what I agree and don't agree with, but what I do know is that often the answers given still leave us feeling a little kept in the dark. We still don't know what to do with those deep, painful, hidden questions. Those feelings of betrayal and fear. Yes, even feeling betrayed by God.

The good thing is that none of us are alone in our quest for the answers to human-suffering. We're all looking for the same clues, asking the same questions, feeling the same fears. So many people have sought for answers and obtained deep insight, and we can be benefited by sharing our fears and questions with people who are wiser than us and who love us.

One of the best books I have ever read on suffering is "The Shack". It tells the story of one of the worst kinds of suffering imaginable -the abuse and murder of a young child- and of how her father asks the same sort of questions about suffering and has a revelation of God which ultimately brings him to peace. The book isn't restrictive in its treatment of suffering. The worst kind of human behavior is uncovered, and the deepest despair and pain analysed in such a way as to make it relevant to the situations we each have to deal with at various points in our lives.

It's tempting to ignore suffering. To put on a brave face and move on with life, with your heart ever so slightly more calloused, and your joy ever so slightly dampened. But I think there's more to it than that. As a Christian, I don't believe God wants to take away our suffering all of the time, but to draw us close to the Healer and the Comforter through it. We'd like to avoid it and have an easy life. I'm not pessimistic. I tend to see things through rose-coloured spectacles, as the expression goes. Unfortunately periods where life is easy are in reality few and far between, but when they do come up, they are wonderful and probably a foretaste of Heaven. Yet while there is suffering, let's support each other, not be frightened to listen to others and ask questions, and allow ourselves to find healing, hope and comfort in the One who truly loves us and wants our best. Let's have hope and faith, but let's be real with God. We need to admit we're broken before we can be put back together. But let's believe that our loving Father does want us to be whole again. And let's pray that He uses us to go on and help a broken world be put back together.

Am I Enough?

I think this is a question which we all ask ourselves at some point in our lives. Some people seem to be more inflicted with insecurity than others, but none of us are exempt from the feeling that for some reason, or in some situation or another, we just haven’t measured up. Also, we are living in a society which constantly pushes us to be better and look better in order to be accepted. We are bombarded with the message, from a very early age, that what and who we are just isn’t enough. We’re subtly led to believe that we need to work harder, do better, and be better in order to increase our value. Sadly, this is quite opposite to the simplicity of the message of the Gospel and God’s unconditional love for His children. 

Of course we ought to do our best in all areas of life. But our best IS enough. We don’t have to constantly strive to be and do more than we can. Some people struggle so much with insecurity and the feeling that they don’t matter or have any value at all they don’t even try at all to be the person they were created to be, or fulfil the unique tasks they were created to accomplish. They don’t try to improve on their weaknesses and let God change them. They don’t want to be noticed and might even try to put up walls to keep people out, because they’re so used to rejection and the pain of being rejected. Sometimes these people give up on life, feeling like they don’t have anything to offer, and wishing that they didn’t take up the space they do. This is sad, because God has a unique plan for everyone, and in His eyes everyone is special and significant. Every single human being is wanted and desired by God. There is not a single person on this planet who is ‘just a waste of space’.

I think our quest for approval begins at a very early age. Some of the most painful memories from childhood are those of times when we were rejected, bullied or forgotten by people. Since no-one is perfect, people are constantly adding to the burden of our insecurity, unwittingly or not. Perhaps we remember times when we were made to feel that our performance at school wasn’t enough, or times when we were left-out or over-looked by our teachers or friends. Maybe the person we loved most in all the world didn’t give us the love and attention we longed for. 

Then, as we grow up, the insecurities seem to surmount. Our hearts can be damaged when we feel rejected by the people we want to impress. We compare ourselves to people around us, and the media hounds us with the message that unless we act, dress and look in a certain way, the world won’t approve of us. For girls, the subtle message, ‘you’re too fat’ can play over and over again in our heads like a stuck-record. Models don’t have curves and they’re beautiful, therefore, if I want to be beautiful, I musn’t have curves, is one of the lies we’re fed through many TV programs, films, magazines and billboards. We can get ourselves into a cycle of: after I diet they’ll notice me, or, after I change my hair they’ll notice me, or if I start acting this way they’re bound to notice me. Of course there can be nothing wrong in dieting if we need to lose a few pounds for our health, and changing our hair and our style can often be fun part of being a girl at least (I’m sure guys enjoy it from time to time to!), but we need to realise and learn that no matter how we look, no matter how well we perform in our classes or at work, as long as we do our best, love God and love others, WE ARE ENOUGH.

We don’t need to change for anybody except God. When we love God we will love others, and when we love others, we will be willing to compromise for them, but we never have to feel like we need to change who we are to find the love we crave. As it says in Romans 1:6: “And this includes you, called of Jesus Christ and invited [as you are] to belong to Him.” God loves us just the way we are, period. He didn’t wait until we were better people before He died for us. He actually died for us when we were in our worst possible condition. Romans 5:8 says: “But God shows and clearly proves His [own] love for us by the fact that while we were still sinners, Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One) died for us.”

Once we accept His grace He can begin to change us, but He’ll never force us, and His love for us is certainly not dependant on how we perform. I think when we turn our lives over to Him and just learn to love and enjoy Him, accepting His unconditional love day by day, we’ll become more and more like Him as we live in His presence. No matter how much we are told otherwise in this life, we are enough because God says we are!

Can God Use Me???!

Can God Use Me ???!

In church recently we've been studying Moses and I find his story very encouraging, because like him I get scared and I don't think I have what it takes to acheive all the things I want to, or be the person I want to be. But God called Moses, a man with a stutter and not much confidence in his own abilities, and used him to deliver an entire nation from an evil tyran. Mind-boggling stuff.

Don’t be Afraid!

 « 7 Then the Lord said, I have seen how cruelly my people are being treated in Egypt; I have heard them cry out to be rescued from their slave drivers. I know all about their sufferings,8 and so I have come down to rescue them from the Egyptians and to bring them out of Egypt to a spacious land, one which is rich and fertile and in which the Canaanites, the Hittites, the Amorites, the Perizzites, the Hivites, and the Jebusites now live.9 I have indeed heard the cry of my people, and I see how the Egyptians are oppressing them.10 Now I am sending you to the king of Egypt so that you can lead my people out of his country.” Exodus 3:7-10

Moses' calling was BIG. Undeniably colossial. And his reaction seems pretty normal to us. He immediately decided that it was too big a task to do own his own: “But Moses said to God, I am nobody. How can I go to the king and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?” Exodus 3:11

God's response, however, was not to change his mind, because He knew that Moses was special and had been equipped for this mission. God replied, "I will be with you.” Exodus 3:12. God didn't try to convince Moses that He could do it all by Himself. He didn't tell him to stop being a big jesse and to get on with it. Instead, he pointed Moses to the source of strength which is available to us all every moment of every day. When GOD is with us, nothing is too big, because God is bigger! He alone is the strength we need to acheive everything which is required of us. And sometimes that can seem like a heck of a lot. When God asks us to do something, or we feel called to do something, it is very normal that we feel inadequate because God wants us to trust in His strength and not our own! “God purposely chose what the world considers nonsense in order to shame the wise, and he chose what the world considers weak in order to shame the powerful.” 1 Corinthians 1:27. Do you feel too weak, too small? Good, because then God can come through in all His strength and power!

 I Feel Ashamed

When Moses said, “I am nobody,” he was probably feeling the kind of shame that many people suffer from today. Shame is defined as: “a. A painful emotion caused by a strong sense of guilt, embarrassment, unworthiness, or disgrace. 4. To force by making ashamed.” http://www.thefreedictionary.com/shame.

Obviously there is a legitimate kind of shame which is intended to bring people to repentance, to keep them from harming themselves and others through sin: “But evil men and women, without conscience and without shame, persist in evil.” Zephaniah 3:5. However, there are not actually very many instances of the word ‘shame’ in the New Testament. In most cases it is God’s kindness which leads us to repentance, not the process of shaming. (“God is kind, but he's not soft. In kindness he takes us firmly by the hand and leads us into a radical life-change.” Romans 2:4, “I led them with cords of human kindness, with ties of love. To them I was like one who lifts a little child to the cheek, and I bent down to feed them.” Hosea 11:4)

I really like the book 'Breaking the Bondage of Legalism' by Neil Anderson, Rich Miller and Paul Travis. In it there is a section which deals with the subject of shame, entitled 'It's a Shame'. In this chapter they write: “[False guilt and false shame are] illegitimate offspring of verbal, emotional, physical, sexual and spiritual abuse. When they are in control of someone’s life, they are cruel taskmasters. Shame runs deep because it makes its home near the very core of our being. Nobody likes to feel guilt, but shame is worse. Guilt says that I did something wrong. Shame broadcasts the message that I am what’s wrong. There is a huge difference. [Shame is] a feeling generated from a mind-set that says, I don’t measure up to what I should be, what others are, or what others expect of me. ”

 Paul didn’t use shame to threaten and force the people he was instructing in the epistles to change: “I am writing this not to shame you but to warn you as my dear children.” 1 Corinthians 4:14, “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” Romans 8:1, “…He Himself is righteous and that He justifies and accepts as righteous him who has [true] faith in Jesus.” Romans 3:26.

We don’t need to feel ashamed before God because when we’re in Him God sees the righteousness of Jesus, not our own (because we don’t have any!!) In conclusion, although we may be convicted of behaviour, it is the devil who wants us to feel ashamed about who we are. Who we are are sons and daughters of the King, justified, forgiven and accepted!!!

“Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we[a] have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2 through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we[b] boast in the hope of the glory of God.” Romans 5:1-2.

Even Jesus was faced with shame: “When Jesus faced death by crucifixion, we are told that he “endured the cross and scorned the shame” (Hebrews 12:2), Jesus endured the pain. That is, Jesus did not avoid the suffering, but instead, he went through the suffering. But he rejected the shame. All the shame that others were attempting to heap on him had no power over him. Jesus did not accept the shame others were trying to put on him. He was being treated as a person with little or no value. But the message of shame, “you have little or no value,” was a lie and Jesus refused to accept it. We tend to do the opposite of what Jesus did when faced with suffering. Jesus accepted suffering and rejected shame. We tend to reject the suffering—we deny it, run from it, tune it out—but we tend to embrace the shame as if it were the truth. Shame, however, is a lie. None of us is ever “less than.” None of us are unlovable, beyond repair, or worthless. We are loved and cherished by a redeeming, healing, saving God.” http://www.nacronline.com/wordpress/986/let-go-of-shame  


What is my Calling?

This is a question which all of us have to look into at some point along our Christian walk. It’s really only ourselves who can know the answer! But we do read in the Bible that: “…God’s gifts and his call are irrevocable.” Romans 11:29. So whatever gifts/calling God has for you He won’t change His mind or remove them from your life. You’re created and born for a special purpose. “Before I formed you in the womb I knew[a] you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” Jeremiah 1:5. No matter what special gifts and callings we have from God, we’re ALL called to love God and love each other. These are the greatest callings. Don’t think that just because you don’t feel you have a particularly great gift/ability that God can use, your calling isn’t very special. There is no better/ more important calling. We all need each other as body parts need each other to function as a whole. No-one else can do what you can. We’re all made unique and special and just as Moses, an unlikely candidate, was chosen to deliver a whole nation out of slavery, God’s plans for us and greater than we can ever imagine: “What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived”[a]— the things God has prepared for those who love him—“ 1 Corinthians 2:9. “11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11.

 If God can use Moses, He can even use you and me! I don't think there's any better way to spend your life than giving it to God for Him to use in the way He's already chosen.

The Un-Value of Work

Work, like many things in life, is transitory. Wow, such a big word for so little a girl so early in the morning, you may say. But let me clarify what I mean.

As a student, work is compulsary. That's not to say that you always have a choice. You could choose to sit with your arms folded and stare out of the window during a lecture, and you could choose to let all your homework pile up by the side of your bed and once it was high enough to be entertaining throw it in the bonfire, but this would not be good for your grades or your popularity amongst your teachers. And when I say that work is transitory, that's also not to say that it doesn't contribute to your more iminent future, like to the quality of job you could get after you graduate, and the more you work as an undergraduate, the more likely you are to be accepted into a Masters course; that kind of milarky. But in the light of all that's important, how high should we rank studying?

Teachers would probably say quite close to the top. However most people would agree that the most important things in life are the things which are invisible, like love and friendship, kindess, faith, trust, hope; all of these things which can be expressed and seen in tangible ways like the fruit of a tree, but which begin in the heart. The heart is the core part of our being and what we focus on the most is probably what's most important to us, i.e. close to our heart. I don't want to be somebody who only works, works and works harder to achieve and achieve some more, but who then looks back and thinks, I really wish I'd spent more time with my friends when I was a student, or more time pursuing my dreams, or more time simply relaxing and enjoying life...

Striving for balance is vital here, in my opinion. I want to be a well-rounded individual with a healthy schedule, healthy relationships and a healthy care for my own wellbeing, as well as a list of achievements in all areas of my life. I want people to be proud of me, especially my friends and family, but most of all I want to make God proud. I think one of the ways we can best do that is simply live a life of love. After all, those are the most important commandments, to love God and love others. And loving isn't always a difficult task. Sometimes it can be, but more often than not it's a natural response or reflex of the heart. Knowing God loves me unconditionally, I can love Him back and love others too, and life suddenly becomes all about that.

Work is important, and of course needful at times, but it's only the means to an end, not the goal of my life! Saying that, probably in 30 minutes or so I'll be back to working on my essay... Hey-ho. No-one said life was a breeze! However we don't have to put excess value into work. It is what it is, for what it is.

Enough musings for now.

My Thoughts on Big Houses

Recently I have had the opportunity to visit the inside of a big house. And when I say big house, I really mean it. Think big enough to host a party of 50 people and not feel overcrowded. Think big enough to house a family of 5 and still feel like you are surrounded by great open spaces. Think big enough to keep a concert piano and a fantastic 3-piece-suite and a coal fire and a long, spacious toilet (which is one of several) like the kind you would expect to find in a restaurant. I'm talking BIG.

It's started me thinking. Would I ever like to have a big house? Would I be happy with so many possessions and space and facilities to meet my every need? Well let's not be over-analytical straight away, and let's say that at face value I can't help thinking that it might be quite nice. What would I do with a big house? How would having plenty help me in the longrun?

Good questions! If I had a big house... first off, I'd have parties. Lots of them. On Friday nights and Saturday nights there would be hoards of my friends around tables set up with buffet food and drinks in abundance, some good quality music coming through good-quality speakers, laughter and chatting and maybe some games... I wouldn't have to worry about making too much of a mess, because as part of the package deal (of having a big house and the lifestyle that goes with it) I would have a cleaner. Or maybe even a hired-help.

I would like to think that I would have an open-door policy where my friends could feel free to drop in whenever they wanted, so long as I was at home. Or even if I wasn', they could at least make use of the facilities; have a can of coke, borrow a book from my extensive library, look inside my extensive wardrobe for something to borrow for a special dinner... And of course I would have a few guest rooms and people staying frequently, especially over weekends or holidays.

It sounds quite nice, truth to be told! Imagine full cupbaords all the time, coffee hot and ready to be served at any given moment, friends happily tinkling on my concert piano, evenings writing songs with my fancy guitar in my studio...

But let's not get carried away. I set out to write this with the intention of focusing on the inconveniences of this kind of lifestlye. That's not to say that if ever I had the opportunity to live in a big house I wouldn't take it, or enjoy it. Perhaps I will. Who knows. But let's look at the other side; the off-puters.

First off-puter; the organising that would have to go into it! To have that kind of house one would need a good deal of money, so the money would have to be managed, bills payed and accounts balanced with great care. I'm sure that would take long hours and considerable stress. And who wants premature wrinkles.

Then of course, with the open-door policy thing and frequent parties, one would have to be careful that enough time was left to be alone and have often needful evenings of doing-nothingess or being alone with God (or with Skype, or a good film...)

Then I suppose there would be the danger of wanting even more things, or an even bigger house. Since we all seem to suffer from the 'the grass must be greener on the other side' syndrome, perhaps I wouldn't be able to settle for only one guest room or one flat-screen TV set. Maybe I would want a conservatory built onto the front of the house, or one of the bedrooms turned into a room for my dog(s), or the living-room divided into two so that I could make my own gymnasium; I'm sure my spontaneous creative ideas would be numerous and more and more expensive. Then what would happen to that extra money I'd put aside for a rainy day? Would it gradually dry up? (Pardon the pun!)

And what about the evenings when I was alone for whatever reason? Would the house be so big that I would feel swallowed up in it, and even more alone than if I had been in some small studio, all cosied-up on my small couch next to a heater, not having to think about leaving the key for the cleaner-lady who was coming in the morning?...

So maybe there are perks to having a big house, but there seem to be many cons, too. But maybe more perks. Hang on, does this mean I want a big house?

OK, so finally, I would have to say that having a big house isn't my goal, but I think that if I had one, I wouldn't cry myself to sleep every night.

And that's my thoughts on big houses.

My Desert Place

Looks like this blog is starting to become a kind of spiritual journal too... a day in the life of a day in the life of Nicola trying to get better acquainted with God... and hoping to move on in my Christian walk.

I hope that what I say, however negative it might seem at face-value, might encourage some people besides myself.

Basically, to be honest, I feel like my Christian walk has led me into something of a desert place. It's been like this for many months, perhaps even a year. But it's not hopeless. Of course I would rather be anywhere else than in the middle of a dry place, where all I can see is miles and miles of nothingness and when I feel like my 'flask' is always verging on running dry and there is often nobody there to guide me or keep me company, but I know that like all seasons in life, this one will pass. I know and believe (or at least have faith and am working towards the belief and knowledge) that God's going to bring me out into a place which is better than my wildest imaginings. I believe He's got some wonderful things in store for me, like He has for all of His children! I believe they are wonderful plans filled with goodness, to bless me and make me a blessing to many, many other people.

I believe God's hand is on me to do me good. (Nehemiah 2:18). And I also believe that even in this place -where I won't deny I often feel like lying down and giving up, or running a million miles in the opposite direction!- God will "cause waters to flow out of the rock for (me!)" (Isaiah 48:2). If there's only a couple of things I can take positively from this season in my life, still they exist, and they are that my faith is increasing, and so is my hunger and thirst for God. I know that I can't survive just now without Him. Every moment, when the pain is throbbing in my heart, when my head is swimming with troublesome thoughts I can't control, when I feel alone and even rejected and betrayed, I need to depend on Him to get me through. I can only function in His strength. Brokeness keeps me lying at the foot of His cross where only His grace is enough for me.

This is not the end of my story. I just need to hold on. And when I think I can't even do that, God will hold me up. I know He's going to give me a song, even in this desert place; a song which won't be silenced until eternity. One day it'll be songs of exultant rejoicing over what God did for me, even at this difficult time in my life.

P.s. If anyone feels to remember me in their prayers, remember me in your prayers!

Belt of Truth

In Youth Group on Sunday, we were looking at the issue of 'evil' and its impact on us as Christians. Although, as we explained, we should never spend too much time dwelling on the devil and his work (since why would we want to pay attention to such a loser?), the reality is that he is real and his dark work continues and will until the day Jesus finally crushes him under our feet, once and for all. (Romans 16:20)

I think one thing the devil tries to do to every Christian is distort our view of God. He does it to non-believers too, blinding them entirely from seeing the truth, making our loving Father seem so distant, so Holy, so demanding or downright awful that we find it difficult to come to Him and have life.

It must be no light think when God tells us to take up His armour:

"Be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.

"Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one.

"And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God; praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints...." Ephesians 6:10-18

It seems to me that more than ever we need to, as Christians seeking to live in God's victory, really do our part and take up this armour of God which has been provided for us. We need to 'gird our waist' with truth. What is the truth? Well we know that Jesus is the ultimate Truth. (John 14:6)And all His promises which come to us through His word are the truth. When God speaks, we need to hold onto the promise and never let go. The devil will pull and tug, but he will be defeated. We need to look to God's way of doing warfare. We can't do it on our own, but fortunately God is so much stronger than out wildest imaginings that we can completely trust Him to bring us through.

I don't know about you, but sometimes I just feel like I'm doing little more than standing. Like I'm tottering, about to fall over. I don't feel like I have the strength to keep on fighting. When God's preparing you for something special, I tihnk that's when the devil comes in the most to try and discourage. We can even discourage ourselves quite easily, I think, without the devil's help! I think whoever said 'we are our own worst enemy' was quite right.

I think it's time to stop agreeing with the devil, or even our own negative, discouraging voice, and trust that we have what it takes! We can come out victorious. Maybe we're going through some difficult things. Maybe we feel like we've hit a brick wall. But if we just stand, and having done all, stand...

I believe God will never forsake us. Even if we feel like He isn't coming. Even when we feel like everything is about to cave in and we're going to snap. We've all been there. But God's never failed us, and He won't now!

So stand! Stand on the promises of God and His truth. Feelings are always changing, but God's truth doesn't! If you can only hold onto one thing, hold onto this: God loves you, and He'll come through for you.