My Desert Place

Looks like this blog is starting to become a kind of spiritual journal too... a day in the life of a day in the life of Nicola trying to get better acquainted with God... and hoping to move on in my Christian walk.

I hope that what I say, however negative it might seem at face-value, might encourage some people besides myself.

Basically, to be honest, I feel like my Christian walk has led me into something of a desert place. It's been like this for many months, perhaps even a year. But it's not hopeless. Of course I would rather be anywhere else than in the middle of a dry place, where all I can see is miles and miles of nothingness and when I feel like my 'flask' is always verging on running dry and there is often nobody there to guide me or keep me company, but I know that like all seasons in life, this one will pass. I know and believe (or at least have faith and am working towards the belief and knowledge) that God's going to bring me out into a place which is better than my wildest imaginings. I believe He's got some wonderful things in store for me, like He has for all of His children! I believe they are wonderful plans filled with goodness, to bless me and make me a blessing to many, many other people.

I believe God's hand is on me to do me good. (Nehemiah 2:18). And I also believe that even in this place -where I won't deny I often feel like lying down and giving up, or running a million miles in the opposite direction!- God will "cause waters to flow out of the rock for (me!)" (Isaiah 48:2). If there's only a couple of things I can take positively from this season in my life, still they exist, and they are that my faith is increasing, and so is my hunger and thirst for God. I know that I can't survive just now without Him. Every moment, when the pain is throbbing in my heart, when my head is swimming with troublesome thoughts I can't control, when I feel alone and even rejected and betrayed, I need to depend on Him to get me through. I can only function in His strength. Brokeness keeps me lying at the foot of His cross where only His grace is enough for me.

This is not the end of my story. I just need to hold on. And when I think I can't even do that, God will hold me up. I know He's going to give me a song, even in this desert place; a song which won't be silenced until eternity. One day it'll be songs of exultant rejoicing over what God did for me, even at this difficult time in my life.

P.s. If anyone feels to remember me in their prayers, remember me in your prayers!