My Thoughts on Big Houses

Recently I have had the opportunity to visit the inside of a big house. And when I say big house, I really mean it. Think big enough to host a party of 50 people and not feel overcrowded. Think big enough to house a family of 5 and still feel like you are surrounded by great open spaces. Think big enough to keep a concert piano and a fantastic 3-piece-suite and a coal fire and a long, spacious toilet (which is one of several) like the kind you would expect to find in a restaurant. I'm talking BIG.

It's started me thinking. Would I ever like to have a big house? Would I be happy with so many possessions and space and facilities to meet my every need? Well let's not be over-analytical straight away, and let's say that at face value I can't help thinking that it might be quite nice. What would I do with a big house? How would having plenty help me in the longrun?

Good questions! If I had a big house... first off, I'd have parties. Lots of them. On Friday nights and Saturday nights there would be hoards of my friends around tables set up with buffet food and drinks in abundance, some good quality music coming through good-quality speakers, laughter and chatting and maybe some games... I wouldn't have to worry about making too much of a mess, because as part of the package deal (of having a big house and the lifestyle that goes with it) I would have a cleaner. Or maybe even a hired-help.

I would like to think that I would have an open-door policy where my friends could feel free to drop in whenever they wanted, so long as I was at home. Or even if I wasn', they could at least make use of the facilities; have a can of coke, borrow a book from my extensive library, look inside my extensive wardrobe for something to borrow for a special dinner... And of course I would have a few guest rooms and people staying frequently, especially over weekends or holidays.

It sounds quite nice, truth to be told! Imagine full cupbaords all the time, coffee hot and ready to be served at any given moment, friends happily tinkling on my concert piano, evenings writing songs with my fancy guitar in my studio...

But let's not get carried away. I set out to write this with the intention of focusing on the inconveniences of this kind of lifestlye. That's not to say that if ever I had the opportunity to live in a big house I wouldn't take it, or enjoy it. Perhaps I will. Who knows. But let's look at the other side; the off-puters.

First off-puter; the organising that would have to go into it! To have that kind of house one would need a good deal of money, so the money would have to be managed, bills payed and accounts balanced with great care. I'm sure that would take long hours and considerable stress. And who wants premature wrinkles.

Then of course, with the open-door policy thing and frequent parties, one would have to be careful that enough time was left to be alone and have often needful evenings of doing-nothingess or being alone with God (or with Skype, or a good film...)

Then I suppose there would be the danger of wanting even more things, or an even bigger house. Since we all seem to suffer from the 'the grass must be greener on the other side' syndrome, perhaps I wouldn't be able to settle for only one guest room or one flat-screen TV set. Maybe I would want a conservatory built onto the front of the house, or one of the bedrooms turned into a room for my dog(s), or the living-room divided into two so that I could make my own gymnasium; I'm sure my spontaneous creative ideas would be numerous and more and more expensive. Then what would happen to that extra money I'd put aside for a rainy day? Would it gradually dry up? (Pardon the pun!)

And what about the evenings when I was alone for whatever reason? Would the house be so big that I would feel swallowed up in it, and even more alone than if I had been in some small studio, all cosied-up on my small couch next to a heater, not having to think about leaving the key for the cleaner-lady who was coming in the morning?...

So maybe there are perks to having a big house, but there seem to be many cons, too. But maybe more perks. Hang on, does this mean I want a big house?

OK, so finally, I would have to say that having a big house isn't my goal, but I think that if I had one, I wouldn't cry myself to sleep every night.

And that's my thoughts on big houses.

My Desert Place

Looks like this blog is starting to become a kind of spiritual journal too... a day in the life of a day in the life of Nicola trying to get better acquainted with God... and hoping to move on in my Christian walk.

I hope that what I say, however negative it might seem at face-value, might encourage some people besides myself.

Basically, to be honest, I feel like my Christian walk has led me into something of a desert place. It's been like this for many months, perhaps even a year. But it's not hopeless. Of course I would rather be anywhere else than in the middle of a dry place, where all I can see is miles and miles of nothingness and when I feel like my 'flask' is always verging on running dry and there is often nobody there to guide me or keep me company, but I know that like all seasons in life, this one will pass. I know and believe (or at least have faith and am working towards the belief and knowledge) that God's going to bring me out into a place which is better than my wildest imaginings. I believe He's got some wonderful things in store for me, like He has for all of His children! I believe they are wonderful plans filled with goodness, to bless me and make me a blessing to many, many other people.

I believe God's hand is on me to do me good. (Nehemiah 2:18). And I also believe that even in this place -where I won't deny I often feel like lying down and giving up, or running a million miles in the opposite direction!- God will "cause waters to flow out of the rock for (me!)" (Isaiah 48:2). If there's only a couple of things I can take positively from this season in my life, still they exist, and they are that my faith is increasing, and so is my hunger and thirst for God. I know that I can't survive just now without Him. Every moment, when the pain is throbbing in my heart, when my head is swimming with troublesome thoughts I can't control, when I feel alone and even rejected and betrayed, I need to depend on Him to get me through. I can only function in His strength. Brokeness keeps me lying at the foot of His cross where only His grace is enough for me.

This is not the end of my story. I just need to hold on. And when I think I can't even do that, God will hold me up. I know He's going to give me a song, even in this desert place; a song which won't be silenced until eternity. One day it'll be songs of exultant rejoicing over what God did for me, even at this difficult time in my life.

P.s. If anyone feels to remember me in their prayers, remember me in your prayers!